A Very Good Day

Photo by Kevin Tung

    I woke up the other morning like I do every day.  I was tired.  I had gone to bed at 3:30 the night before.  My daughter Chloe had school in the morning though, so I had to get up.  No sleeping in for me.  It's okay, I don't mind being tired - it just means I have to drink more coffee.  Besides, I had work to do.
     Once I got Chloe to school and Te'a fed and changed, I began getting everything ready for a bike fit with Steven Davis.  I've known Steven for several years.  When I first met him I remember offering him guidance about this and that.  I didn't really know much about training and tactics and bike fitting back then, but I knew a little more than he did so I helped him out the best I could.  Things are different now.  I am working towards being a professional coach and he is working towards being a professional cyclist.  The bike fit is just another step in the process towards those goals.  

      While I was setting up for the bike fit, a knock came on the door.  I opened it, expecting to see Steven, but it was a mail carrier asking me to sign for a certified letter.  I had a good idea what was in the envelope.  I had settled my lawsuit the week before and had signed the forms saying I released liability and all that.  All that had been left was to wait for the check.   I opened it and unfolded the check that was inside and just stared at it.  It was a weird feeling looking at the numbers and realize they somehow added up to the payment for all the pain and suffering I endured.  I wish I could say it was enough, but it wasn't.  If I could have skipped that whole miserable year and given the money back I would have.  Still, it was good to have the whole thing resolved.
       As much as I think the settlement amount wasn't worth the experience, I am not bitter.  Actually just the opposite - I am grateful.  I am grateful I wasn't killed.  I am grateful to be alive.  I am grateful that I get to hold my girls in my arms every day and kiss them every night when I put them to bed.  I am grateful I get to grow old with my wife.  The money certainly wasn't worth the pain and suffering.  Having my dream end so abruptly was a terrible, excruciating, drawn-out process.  I learned some things along the way though.  One of them is just how blessed I am.  The experience taught me how important and valuable my family and friends are to me.  You never really know who you can count until you really need them to be there.  I was and am humbled by the love that was shown me.  The perspective this whole experience has afforded has allowed me to see the money for what it is - a bonus.  
      After a few minutes to process the arrival of the settlement check, Steven showed up.  I couldn't help smiling at how fitting the timing was.  One chapter closes and I am already working on the next.  The next several hours were spent geeking out over bike parts and hanging out.  It's fun to work with Steven because he is as passionate about cycling as I am.  We feed into each other's desire to move forward.  Seeing him finally set up on his bike put a smile on my face.  By no means are we done working on his position, but he's better now than he has ever been.

Our first bike fit from years ago.   

New Bike Candy.

A far cry from where we started.  Steven is 35 pounds lighter and more powerful.

      After Steven left, I went to get Chloe from school.  Every day I marvel at how old she is getting.  She seems so much more grown up than her age.  I suppose that's partly because she has me for a father.  I put a lot of responsibility on her and push her hard.  It's the teacher in me I suppose.  Her first recital was the following day and I wanted to make sure she was prepared.  So, we spent an hour drilling at the piano.  She was already really good because we had been working relentlessly on her piece for the last several weeks.  I am fairly strict when she screws up or makes a mistake.  I make her repeat the problem over and over till it's not a problem anymore.  I've had people complain to me that I am too hard on them.  But, it's nothing compared to how much I push Chloe.  That's the thing though, people can always do more than they think.  The hard part is learning to push through those mental barriers.  

"People say they are ready, but are they prepared?  They're ready for anything but prepared for nothing."  Chuck Knox

     As the afternoon wore on, I wanted to celebrate.  I felt I should do something to mark the occasion.  The whole experience was coming to a close and the past 16 months of waiting were finally over.  I had resolved the emotional struggle months ago, but this was the final piece.  Unfortunately Kate wasn't feeling too great.  So, we ordered Indian for take out and stayed in for the evening.  Why is it that whenever you want to do something you can't ?  I felt like I should do something though.  So, after the girls went to bed, I went to the store and bought a bottle of Tequila.  I had called my Mom and brother earlier to tell them the news and they both had asked me how I felt about everything.  I think they were wondering if I was okay with how things ended up.  Was I satisfied?  Had the final amount of the settlement been enough?  I told them that it felt good to be done with everything and to be able to move forward in my new phase of life.  It wasn't enough to compensate for my loss, but it was enough to be able to move forward with the next chapter of my life.  At the end of the day, being alive is what's important.  Having more or less money doesn't change that.  

     I felt like getting out of the house, so on an impulse, I decided to go for a run.  It was nearing midnight, but I enjoy being out at night.  The temperature was warm and the air was thick with humidity that seemed to hang in the night air like a soft blanket.  Without even really thinking about where I was going, I ended up at the ocean.  The sound of the waves crashing on the shore overwhelmed me.  I have lived near water my whole life, so I am pretty familiar with the ocean in all it's different moods. Standing there in that moment though, it felt like a symphony playing only for me.  I sometimes forget how big the ocean really is.  I guess sometime you need a change in perspective to really appreciate the things you take for granted.

Photo by Kevin Tung

     When I got home, I took a shower and changed.  Then I settled down with some Tequila to watch a movie my brother recommended to me - The Intouchables.  It was a french film about a quadriplegic billionaire who hires a young man from the projects to be his caretaker.  I don't often get to watch movies these days so it's nice to be able to sit back and enjoy myself.  By the time it was over it was almost 3:30 and I was tired.  I had to get up early the next morning to do an all day recording session and piano recital with my students.  I didn't mind though.  What's a little tiredness compared with being alive?