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| Photo by Kathryn Itaya |
Whatever happened to that magic of childhood? Remember that - those perfect moments that seemed to stretch on forever? I have always been in such a dreadful hurry to get where I am going. I've done everything fast in life. I've hammered out achievements like I was feathering a cap. Truthfully, a lot of what I've accomplished in life leaves me feeling a little bit empty. There have been moments though, when the whole world seems to pause and there is nothing to do but just be. It seems as if those moments are fewer and farther between the older I get. So I wonder, what happened? Maybe it's the burden of life and responsibility and all that. I suppose the flip-side is that those moments are even more precious whenever they come my way now.
Maybe this seeming lack of magic comes from not having perspective on this time of life. It's all but impossible to look at where you are objectively. It's easy to idealize childhood because I've mostly weeded out the bad stuff from my memory. If I stop and think carefully though, I also remember a lot of not so good things. Perhaps when I look back at this time of life twenty years from now I'll have that same wistful nostalgia.
The thing I always have to remind myself is to live in the moment, but keep moving forward. It's a difficult balance. The two concepts seem almost antithetical. One is grounded, the other is high-minded. That's my struggle. I have this vision of how I want my life to be and I am always pushing towards that. But, I am always trying to be more fully present in the moment.
As a dad I often find myself looking at the world through my children's eyes. It's a way for me to be more fully present in the moment. My youngest daughter is two years old and for her there is little concept of time beyond what is going on right now. If she's tired, she falls asleep. If she is hungry, she lets me know. When she is focused on something, it's all consuming. The other day we went to the zoo and it was fun to watch her experience all the sights and sounds. That's what I love best about having children, they keep me grounded.
I know it's always going to be difficult to find that balance between living in the moment and pushing forward. Both are important. In my case I have such a natural tendency to push forward, that my struggle is usually slowing down enough to appreciate what I have. My accident a year ago and my children are constant reminders of what I have and how much I am blessed. I'll keep working on staying centered. It's hard, but then anything worth having is hard to come by.
