Losing Momentum

     

It is hard to keep moving forward.  I was in an accident not too long ago, and not long after I got home from the hospital I threw myself into a new life.  My old life was dead and I had to move forward or I knew I would just spiral in on myself.  The thought of sitting at home doing nothing about drove me crazy.  So I got going.  I started coaching a few of my friends in cycling.  I also began writing.  I had no idea what I was doing, or even if it might be worthwhile.  I knew I had to do something though.   I had a lot of energy at first.  I banged out about 50 pages of a book and compiled a training plan for my three guys.  I got the ball rolling and headed off into my new life without too much crying over my past one.  There's only one problem.  It's been three months now and I am starting to lose momentum.  
      The truth of the matter is, I sort of expected to lose momentum right about now.  The honeymoon phase in anything can't last.  When it ends you are either left with a harsh truth or a new reality.  The harsh truth would be if my dreams ended and I was left completely devoid of any new hopes or passions.  I looked around on the internet and it seems there is another blog out there with a similar title to this one.  There is one entry by the author (the first one) and then nothing.  All those good intentions quickly withered and died I suppose.  I am trying to push forward with the alternative, and make a new reality for myself.  I am not sure that I can do it though.  Lord knows I am neither a coach nor a writer.  
       As I was sitting down to work on my book earlier today, I couldn't help wondering why I even bother.  I mean, who would want to read what I am writing?  Part of my angst stems from the realization that I am writing a self help book.  That seems like a bit of a laugh considering I barely seem to help myself.  Yes, I live comfortably - and have a happy marriage and two beautiful children - but I feel far from successful.  And so I ask myself, who am I to be offering guidance or help to anyone?  Besides that, who really reads self help books anyway?  They all seem a bit self righteous and nauseating to me.  Like, listen to me, I know what I am talking about.  Ugh.  
      I've started now though.  I told a bunch of my family and friends about my intentions.  So now I have to keep going.  Right?  Maybe that was the point of telling everyone - so I wouldn't back out of my new dreams when they got hard.  It gives new meaning to the term, "speak it into being."  Whatever.  I am too stubborn to back out at this point.  It took a broken neck to finally end my cycling career.  I am not about to quit what I started just because I am not as gung ho as when I began.  So, on I go.  
     At this point, the momentum is gone.  So now each forward step must stand on its own.  I have to put one foot in front of the other until I make something of what I started.  It's not terribly exciting or fun at this point.  It's better than doing nothing I suppose, but I worry that I am just wasting my time.  Like I said before, I've got to do something.  And who knows, this something might turn into something more.